Well, I've located 2 of the people I wanted to reach out to, so far.
I e-mailed one and snail-mailed the other.
So, far...
GREAT!
The friend I e-mailed wrote back quickly. When I saw the opening, I a weight lifted off my heart.
"You just don’t know how happy I was when I received your e-mail; my heart leapt and a smile came over my wrinkled old face." (He's early 60's like me, so probably not as wrinkled as all that. LOL)
I won't bore you with the rest, but I am very happy. I plan to continue and find as many of these old friends as possible. Life's too short to lose touch with those we love. I've realized that I don't have to be in complete agreement with someone to want to share my life with them.
Anyone you've lost touch with?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friends and Others
When I started out with this blog, I had titled it My Rant.
I was feeling pretty "ranty" at the time and thought it appropriate.
Today, the urge to rant came back, and I started to compose one.
I was going to explain to the world how the betrayal by one of the handful of people I called a friend had affected me.
However, even I could see that it was pretty "poor me", and it made me stop and think.
I decided that instead of bitching and moaning, I needed to address the questions -
How many people, really, have every been someone I called FRIEND?
Where are they now (in relationship to me)?
Why?
I'm not a person who makes friends easily. (My fault entirely.) I don't trust or value others, and believe I don't need them. In fact, the reason the betrayal is such a big deal, is that I was down to only 2 people I considered FRIEND in my life. (For those of you reading this who thought you were my friend, please don't wonder what happened. I have a number of people I have labelled friendly acquaintances. I just don't have people I've labelled FRIEND. That's due to me; not you. And please don't consider this me begging you to fix the problem. Again, I'm what's broke; not you.)
So, I set down to make a list of all the people I have considered FRIEND since I was an adult, and tried to answer the questions.
WOW! What an amazing insight!
Who are they?
To my surprise there were 19 names since I became an adult. (I had thought there were literally "only a handful".)
A few were also relatives, and that's lucky.
My husband is one, so that is really lucky.
Some I realized I considered my friend, but they had not reciprocated. So be it.
What about the others?
Where are they in relationship to me?
All are disconnected except my husband John. (Yes. This is very pitiful, but it starts to pick up in tone soon. Promise!)
Why?
I am a really poor friend. I am rancorous, opinionated, lazy, would rather stay home and read than go have fun, and generally selfish. This makes it tough to be my friend. Moreover, I have little patience and less flexibility. If you screw up, out you go.
With a couple of notable exceptions (the betrayal being one), I was the one who caused the relationship to end. (Even then, I could have held onto the friendship, but I felt the cost was too high.)
"So", you ask. "Now that we are bummed out about your SAD situation, what's the point?"
Here it is -
Scientology has a thing called Good Roads, Good Weather. It is communicating with someone with whom you have had a break in comm by simply saying something pleasant and non-evalutative to them. You let them know you would like to open communications, but without any stress or guilt or blame. Then it is up to them. But you have made it okay, if they so choose.
I am getting addresses for as many of the 18 people I have fallen out with that I would like to be in touch with. I will then write them a simple Good Roads, Good Weather note.
I'm 64, so some of them will be dead, and I may never know that. That's sad, but "See you next time".
(I don't just believe we come back for many lifetimes. I know it from my own remembered experience. We often choose to come back with others we have shared lifetimes with before. So this is not just some cold, off-handed statement.)
Some people I write to will be so angry/upset/contemptuous of me that they won't reply. That's okay. Their choice.
But I will be back in touch with a few and I will know that I did what I could to fix what was broken. I will work hard on being a better friend this time.
It is an axiom in business that customers are expensive to get, so do what it takes to keep them. I'm going to apply that to all the FRIENDS I get back. This time I will understand their true value.
I'll let you know how it goes.
I was feeling pretty "ranty" at the time and thought it appropriate.
Today, the urge to rant came back, and I started to compose one.
I was going to explain to the world how the betrayal by one of the handful of people I called a friend had affected me.
However, even I could see that it was pretty "poor me", and it made me stop and think.
I decided that instead of bitching and moaning, I needed to address the questions -
How many people, really, have every been someone I called FRIEND?
Where are they now (in relationship to me)?
Why?
I'm not a person who makes friends easily. (My fault entirely.) I don't trust or value others, and believe I don't need them. In fact, the reason the betrayal is such a big deal, is that I was down to only 2 people I considered FRIEND in my life. (For those of you reading this who thought you were my friend, please don't wonder what happened. I have a number of people I have labelled friendly acquaintances. I just don't have people I've labelled FRIEND. That's due to me; not you. And please don't consider this me begging you to fix the problem. Again, I'm what's broke; not you.)
So, I set down to make a list of all the people I have considered FRIEND since I was an adult, and tried to answer the questions.
WOW! What an amazing insight!
Who are they?
To my surprise there were 19 names since I became an adult. (I had thought there were literally "only a handful".)
A few were also relatives, and that's lucky.
My husband is one, so that is really lucky.
Some I realized I considered my friend, but they had not reciprocated. So be it.
What about the others?
Where are they in relationship to me?
All are disconnected except my husband John. (Yes. This is very pitiful, but it starts to pick up in tone soon. Promise!)
Why?
I am a really poor friend. I am rancorous, opinionated, lazy, would rather stay home and read than go have fun, and generally selfish. This makes it tough to be my friend. Moreover, I have little patience and less flexibility. If you screw up, out you go.
With a couple of notable exceptions (the betrayal being one), I was the one who caused the relationship to end. (Even then, I could have held onto the friendship, but I felt the cost was too high.)
"So", you ask. "Now that we are bummed out about your SAD situation, what's the point?"
Here it is -
Scientology has a thing called Good Roads, Good Weather. It is communicating with someone with whom you have had a break in comm by simply saying something pleasant and non-evalutative to them. You let them know you would like to open communications, but without any stress or guilt or blame. Then it is up to them. But you have made it okay, if they so choose.
I am getting addresses for as many of the 18 people I have fallen out with that I would like to be in touch with. I will then write them a simple Good Roads, Good Weather note.
I'm 64, so some of them will be dead, and I may never know that. That's sad, but "See you next time".
(I don't just believe we come back for many lifetimes. I know it from my own remembered experience. We often choose to come back with others we have shared lifetimes with before. So this is not just some cold, off-handed statement.)
Some people I write to will be so angry/upset/contemptuous of me that they won't reply. That's okay. Their choice.
But I will be back in touch with a few and I will know that I did what I could to fix what was broken. I will work hard on being a better friend this time.
It is an axiom in business that customers are expensive to get, so do what it takes to keep them. I'm going to apply that to all the FRIENDS I get back. This time I will understand their true value.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Michael Bolton and Disney
I mentioned I'm a Scientologist.
So are the husband and son.
My son, Jason, is currently in Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul) on staff at the church there.
Just before leaving he was constantly playing Michael Bolton's Captain Jack Sparrow YouTube video along with Disney music.
Today I found myself needing a "fix", so I went to YouTube and played it 3 times.
I haven't hunted for the Mulan or Hercules themes yet, but I know it's coming...
I must miss the little "". LOL
Hi, Jason
So are the husband and son.
My son, Jason, is currently in Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul) on staff at the church there.
Just before leaving he was constantly playing Michael Bolton's Captain Jack Sparrow YouTube video along with Disney music.
Today I found myself needing a "fix", so I went to YouTube and played it 3 times.
I haven't hunted for the Mulan or Hercules themes yet, but I know it's coming...
I must miss the little "". LOL
Hi, Jason
Brave New World
A friend asked me to start a blog and I, like a fool, agreed.
I say that because I am one of those people who can't just "plunge in"; I have to learn all about it.
So, I have started reading tutorials and books.
My first big concern is that I'm not a one dimensional person, and blogging looks 1D to me.
I've got things to say about my weigh loss, health (not sickness, but real health), conspiracy theories, my religion and the guff it takes, reading, writing, and quilting.
So before I take off at a dead run on this, I have to find out how to categorize, etc.
Wish me luck?
I say that because I am one of those people who can't just "plunge in"; I have to learn all about it.
So, I have started reading tutorials and books.
My first big concern is that I'm not a one dimensional person, and blogging looks 1D to me.
I've got things to say about my weigh loss, health (not sickness, but real health), conspiracy theories, my religion and the guff it takes, reading, writing, and quilting.
So before I take off at a dead run on this, I have to find out how to categorize, etc.
Wish me luck?
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